In honor of it being a pupper day, National or International Dog Day….not sure which….I could look it up but meh, no point. The point is dogs are great and lets celebrate them. Here is our lovebug. Enjoy! Go forth and love all the dogs!
PUPPER DAY!
Month: August 2022
Just quick
So I still can’t get a better job and Ross has Covid again. So yep. That’s where life is. Oh and his car has totally crapped out so it’s out of commission again for a bit, and his job shorted him on his check, and my PMDD is still going strong when it should be done. So that is where life is. I’m exhausted. But so far testing negative….so got that going for me. Go be kind, folks need it.
Struggling
The PMDD is a strong warrior today, and she is whooping my ass. I’m hiding at work because people are too much and I am exhausted. I can’t even pretend to give a shit today and I keep feeling like crying. Mainly my brain keeps telling me nothing is worth it and I’m stuck where I am and nothing will ever get better. I know my brain lies……but I also know that the last few years have indeed been pretty shit……and before that I was in an abusive relationship……and before that the economy and job force crashed……soooooo is my brain really wrong?
I don’t have an answer to that. I really just keep wondering “well what the fuck is next?”, especially after the last couple years. I can’t seem to get hired on anywhere, I’m not making enough to keep surviving once I have to start paying back student loans. I don’t make enough to go to the fucking doctor and get shit fixed for me nor does my husband for him. Our insurance is god fucking awful so that isn’t helpful. I’m just tired. I’m even looking at going back to an old employer that made me miserable, but at least with the misery came more money and hella good insurance. We would need to move because it’s double how far I’m driving now. But in the same town Ross still works so would be better for us both…but no more tiny house or community.
I’m so tired. I’m gonna keep hiding until I get hungry enough to go eat…then do more work. I don’t even care. Go forth and take care of yourselves.
Should be doing other stuff
But I’m writing this instead. I should be calling the vet, and I will, but I just feel talked out. Zaph is back to feeling like shit again, grooming excessively and I know it’s because his back and hips hurt. He still seizes when he hits certain spots which isn’t good. We have to figure something out, in hoping he can have some more steroids again since it has been a while since the last round. Got to call and see the options.
I should also be writing my story….I got a paragraph done….but then ran into a wall. Trying to run through ideas in my head but still feeling that wall. I’ll get through it, or keep jotting down ideas until I feel somewhat successful.
I should also apply to more jobs. A constant thing I’m doing, daily activity that is. I’ve applied for 2 earlier….while at work…….but the more the merrier. But I need to get on the computer for that, the ones I saved require uploading resumes and such.
I did get an application in for an art event though. I also reached out to the community art council to hopefully get my stuff in the store in town soon. Here’s hoping those go well. I also got more of those little easels I painted, so I’ll be painting more tonight and this weekend. So yay that.
For now I’m resting. Not the same as napoing, though I would not mind that. And then I will work. Still feeling tired and PMS ridden, so I rest. Take care of yourself too guys!!
Another Chapter!
Well…sort of… A story within the chapter I think…..maybe…. So I might have decided to re-do the entire flow of the story I’m writing. I’ve been struggling with just how to flow this story, well the stories within this overall book. See the goal is to tell various stories that myself, my friends, or my coworkers have experience as women in this world. But I also want to touch on mental health stories, stories about relationships, shit that’s funny but also sad but true. Originally I was thinking of having it follow a natural timeline within one character’s life, most of the stories coming from her or through friend’s…….now though, I’m thinking I will tell these stories through the friends whilst they eat dinner or lunch or whatever, and they are all lamenting various issues or situations, swapping and comparing stories and experiences. These meetings will take place over years, so each character will change and grow as the book progresses, but the theme will be that each time they meet to eat they swap these stories that I’d like to tell. So now……I will have to go through and rewrite what I’ve already done to fit this new idea. So yea. But all of that to say that hey, I wrote more today! So go me! Ok, now you go do fantastic things! You got this!
Meh.
I find myself giving that title to posts often, or something along those lines. I just feel meh. Might be PMS right now, not really sure…it has been so wonky and wtf the last few month I legit don’t know. And can’t have a period tracker because fuck that shit with this political climate. So who knows…..
But for now I’m still job hunting. Had 2 more interviews and they both went well. One job doesn’t offer insurance though, so unless the pay is higher it’s a no go. The other would be going back to retail but there would be advancement and insurance. Haven’t heard back from either but both had decision makers on vacation so, guess we will see.
Struggling to do things on my long term to do list, like write more on my book or paint things in the house, or whatever. Keeping up with my daily shit…vacuuming and litter box, dishes and laundry…I mean Ross helps there so that’s nice. But a lot of things I would rather do by myself…like writing or what not. I think that spawns from being so harshly judged in my last relationship for just about everything, that now I would rather just be alone doing stuff even when I know no one here is judging me for anything. I did manage some paintings though, even if I have no where to sell them. Though I did reach out to 2 places locally that feature artists….here’s hoping. I’ve attached pics because I’m quite happy with these pieces.
Alright. Off to eat ice cream because fuck it. I’ve been careful about what I eat for the sake of my stomach issues, so I want ice cream now. Go forth and get your own ice cream, or whatever makes you smile…long as it’s not harmful to others, be kind to others!
More interviews
I have 2 more interviews this week. Not really sure what to expect but here’s hoping. Dyed my hair and cut it, giving myself a newish look. Planning on trying to get myself out of my funk. I’m just still feeling bleh. So tired. But I’m trying. Managed laundry, changing the sheets, vacuuming, did dishes, made breakfast, walked Freya. Want to work out, but there are people down there….eww humans. I don’t know. I’m ready for Friday, not sure why really…I work the weekend, so not like I get that time off. But least by then I’ll know more about the jobs. Anyway, short post. Going to go art some, and there was something else but I’ve already forgotten … oh well. Go forth and be kind!
Jo: Unadulterated 