I don’t know if it’s the PMS, lack of meds, exhaustion…..whatever it is….I keep having random moments when I feel like I just need to cry. I don’t cry. I don’t even tear up. You know that feeling when you’re really sad and if you have just one little thing that pushes you ever so gently over the edge you’re just going to lose it? Yea, that feeling. That keeps washing over me. Nothing ever pushes me over the edge, and the feeling is rather fleeting…but it’s kind of annoying. I haven’t noticed anything that triggers this onslaught. I haven’t noticed that it interrupts or disturbs my activities or lasts longer than just moments. Even the one time I did break down and start crying because I was overcome by some stressors (see this blog for that story), the crying didn’t last long and I was able to move past it pretty easily and quickly.
Does this mean that I’m developing better ways of coping with shit? Does this mean I really need my medicine and these moments are cause for concern? Does this mean I’m normal and everyone has this issue? I need my therapist. Seriously, I’ve got to call and see if my new insurance will cover with her because I need to get back to it. I need that outside looking in perspective from someone that’s objective and educated within this field. I’m educated in the field but obviously not objective to my own situation. This is why therapists need therapists, or should at least occasionally check in with one. It’s good to have that outside stability but within the field.
I don’t know. I’m going to call my therapist today or tomorrow, and I’ll keep you posted on what she says. I’ll also be going to a doctor soon and getting back on my meds. I’ve been slowing on those calls because I’m struggling to find a female doctor taking new patients and I’m growing annoyed. But soon. Until then thanks for keeping up with me and go out masked and kind folks.
Jo: Unadulterated 